October 2011
3 posts
From the Journal of Nathaniel Crouch, Last in His...
They said the real world would be hard after leaving Andover, but I had no idea.
It better be easier to be last in my class at business school.
I wonder how much Dad needs to donate for me to get to speak at commencement.
If it were up to me, success wouldn’t be measured in grades. It’d be measured in the amount of wealth each of us is set to inherit once they take our respective...
WatchIntervention.
Yelp Reviews of Kevin O'Riley's Funeral
Co-written by Rob Turbovsky!
August 2011
2 posts
WatchTrying to find a place to live? I have the perfect place… Burbank PSA
Your Hollywood Internship Welcome Packet →
Rejecting Sobriety Live! →
Well, not really, but if you like this site, then come see a show I’m writing and performing in. C’mon! It’ll be better than mediocre, probably
June 2011
1 post
A Proposal for the Ages
I recently got engaged and all I’ve heard since is, “How’d you do it? How’d you pop the question?”
I don’t want to tell the story anymore. It was a special and intimate moment that deserves privacy. I’m not going to exploit my newfound engagement just to get some cheap laughs from a couple randos who don’t care about me or my fiancée Jessica.
That being said, I’ve decided to recreate...
May 2011
4 posts
Welcome to my ongoing review of controversial new genetic startup, My Little Me. In case you missed it, check out Day One, Day Two and Day Three of my adventure.
Day 4: Armageddon
I wake up, even more dazedier and confusedier than the day before. The last thing I remember is turning around in the fear that Little Joe would be there. Given that I was knocked out and somebody changed my...
Welcome to my ongoing review of controversial new genetic startup, My Little Me. In case you missed it, check out Day One and Day Two of my adventure.
Day 3: Complete Confusion
I just woke up totally dazed and confused. What the heck happened last night, and what’s with all these empty liquor bottles…
I head downstairs to find Little Joe but something is very wrong. The house...
Welcome to my ongoing review of controversial new genetic startup, My Little Me. In case you missed it, check out Day One of my adventure.
Day 2: New Best Friends!
I awoke to find Little Joe brewing a pot of coffee… I ask why he’s up so early and Little Joe informs me that it was his first time seeing the sunrise.
I agree that it’s a truly beautiful sight and turn to...
There has been a lot of buzz in the press recently about controversial genetic startup, My Little Me. Recently, My Little Me reached out to ask if I’d review their products and services. I enthusiastically accepted, excited to get into the review game!
Over the next couple days, I will be posting my daily accounts and reviews of their product with a photo diary. If they’re lucky,...
April 2011
2 posts
A Review of the Restaurant 'Loafs
When I sit down to a dinner service, the hope is that all my expectations of grandeur and sophistication will be met. When I found out Meat Loaf owned the hottest new restaurant in town, my expectations went through the roof. One of the truly great poperatic singers* of our time was a restaurateur. I’d be hard-pressed to believe that this culmination of majesty and sustenance would...
February 2011
2 posts
An Intervention Staged by my Pandora, Netflix and...
Joe enters the conference room at a local Marriot, expecting to be at a Guy Fieri book signing.
Joe: Hey, what’s going on in here?
Joe’s Netflix account, his Pandora account and his TiVo are seated in the room.
Netflix: We have to talk.
Joe: Wait a second…where’s Guy?
TiVo: This is an intervention.
Joe: …hosted by Guy Fieri?
Pandora: No Joe. Guy won’t be here. We have...
Healing Injuries through Thought, Love & Prayer
Hey Gustavo… I don’t know if you remember me, but I was in your store about a month ago? I was the guy with the torn ACL. Anyway, I just wanted to give you a quick update on how your treatments and special home remedies were working out for me.
Simplicity in medicine is non-existent. I think that’s why I took to your methods so readily. Case in point: Breath in nature.
I swear, my knee felt...
January 2011
4 posts
WatchMake that two videos. Me and my idiot friends made two videos.
WatchMe and some of my idiot friends made a video.
An Open Letter to the President of LA Fitness
Dear Louis Welch,
As a loyal member of your gymnasium, I believe you have made some very serious faux pas that need to be rectified immediately.
I will keep my points brief and to the point. You are a busy man whose time needn’t be wasted.
For starters, Mr. Welch, I have always enjoyed quenching my thirst with a delicious and nutritious protein shake at your juice bar. Unfortunately your juice...
My Experience on "Chopped"
Recently, I was on the television show Chopped. Chopped is that show on food network where chefs have to make dishes with crazy ingredients. If you succeed without getting chopped in the appetizer, entrée and dessert courses you win ten thousand dollars!
I wanted to share my experience with all of you…
Ted Allen, the host of the show, welcomes me and my three competitors and tells us to...
December 2010
26 posts
1 tag
Merry Christmas
As we wrap up our 25 days of stupid holiday movie posters photoshopstravaganza, there’s still more posters!
Can you believe there were fan submissions?
I know, I can barely believe it either. Well, without further ado…
“The Dark Knight Before Christmas” by Ben Simpson (@simps)
“Auld Lang Synes” by Collin Hawkins (@lucianmidnight)
And who could forget...
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November 2010
4 posts
Oprah has more money than the U.S. Treasury. What does this mean? It means she’s able to put on her incredibly ridiculous “Favorite Things” episodes during the holiday season. This year her audience received a 52 inch 3D television, an iPad, and a car! That’s just to name a few! It’s unbelievable.
Here’s my problem: with her unrelenting onslaught of financial well-being, why not get a little...
Running Out of Time
There are a lot of action-thriller movies out there, and in a lot of these films, there’s usually a couple attempting to escape the murderous clutches of the “bad guys”. I realized that if my girlfriend and I were ever in those same scenarios, attempting to escape compromising situations, we would have a really shitty success rate. We’d be dead before the end of Act 1.
In an attempt to illustrate...
The Upside to an Alcoholic Houseguest
Alcoholic is a strong word. When I say it, I say it for the sake of comedy. I would never make light of alcoholism or suggest that someone was a ‘raging alcoholic’ unless I thought they had a very real problem that needed to be dealt with.
That being said: my sister, me, and almost everyone I consider a friend is an alcoholic.
My sister recently moved to LA, and until she finds her own digs,...
October 2010
1 post
Los Angeles: Where Autumn Goes to Die
Autumn means a couple of things. Foliage, pumpkin pies, scarves, chilly weather, Halloween decorations…these are all inherent components of the season. Unless of course, you live on the west coast/left coast. Here in Los Angeles, we don’t have quite the same properties of this special time of year.
Instead of foliage, we have an elongated summer. Instead of pumpkin pies, we have ironic...