There are a lot of action-thriller movies out there, and in a lot of these films, there’s usually a couple attempting to escape the murderous clutches of the “bad guys”. I realized that if my girlfriend and I were ever in those same scenarios, attempting to escape compromising situations, we would have a really shitty success rate. We’d be dead before the end of Act 1.
In an attempt to illustrate this point, I placed myself and Jessica in some seriously dire straits. Here’s how I believe they would play out…
Scene 1
Ext. Alley
Joe and Jessica are running as fast as they can. A man with a gun chases them. They turn the corner into a dark alley and quickly hide behind a large dumpster, frantically whispering and breathing heavily.
Jessica
What are we going to do?Joe
Shhh! Just calm down…we’ll be ok.The man with the gun turns the corner and slowly starts creeping to the dumpster.
Joe
OK, OK, listen. When I say, throw your shoe down the alley to create a distraction, and when he looks, I’m going to hit him with this huge rock.Joe picks up the rock, showing it to Jessica. The man with the gun creeps closer.
Joe
OK, get ready… Now! Throw the shoe!Jessica doesn’t throw the shoe.
Joe
(frantically)
What are you doing? Throw the shoe! Now! Throw it!!Jessica
Ugh…these are new, Joey! I can’t!Joe
Jessica! Throw the shoe!The man with the gun is really close now.
Jessica
Can I please not throw my shoe? I really love it!Joe
Jessica!!Jessica
Ughhh!! Fine!Jessica throws the shoe, but in the wrong direction.
Joe
Damnit!In an effort to save Jessica, Joe jumps up and throws the rock at the man with the gun. The man with the gun ducks out of the way.
Joe
Hey what the hell! You moved!The man with the gun immediately sees Joe and Jessica.
Shots are fired. There are no survivors.
Scene 2
Int. Abandoned Warehouse
Joe and Jessica are again being chased by a man with a gun. They are out of breath. They run through the old abandon warehouse and turn a corner. As the man with the gun rounds the corner, Joe tackles him to the ground. The gun flies across the floor while Joe and the man wrestle on the ground.
Joe
Jessica! Go get the gun!Jessica
OK!The struggle on the ground continues. Jessica comes running over.
Jessica
I got it!Joe looks up from the struggle.
Joe
Ok now aim the gun at…Joe notices the stick, not the gun, in Jessica’s hand.
Joe
Damnit, Jessica! That’s not the gun! That’s a stick!Jessica looks at the stick in her hands.
Jessica
Ha-ha! Whoops! Ya know, when I was picking it up, I was like…Joe
Jessica! No time! Go get the gun!The struggle continues on the ground. The bad guy very obviously has the upper hand. Joe is quickly running out of time. Jessica continues looking on.
Joe
GET THE GUN!!Jessica runs off. Joe is literally at the end of the line in this fight. Jessica runs back. Joe’s beat up so badly he can barely see.
Jessica
I got it, Joey!Joe
(struggling to speak)
Shoot….him…Jessica
OK!(pause)
Jessica
Joey…don’t be mad, but I grabbed another stick by mistake.The bad guy snaps Joe’s neck, picks up the gun, and shoots Jessica in the head. There are no survivors.
Scene 3
Int. Library of Congress
Joe and Jessica are hunched in a darkened Library of Congress. They both breathe heavily, sweat pouring from their brows. You can be sure as shit that a man with a gun is coming for them. Before he gets there, they must find the document that proves their innocence. Time is of the essence!
Joe frantically searches through the shelves, looking for the document he needs.
Joe
C’mon! C’mon! Where is it…Jessica
(Laughs loudly)
Oh my god…Joey — look at this.Joe
Jessie, we need to find the folder that…Jessica
Oh shut up, it’ll take 2 seconds. Just look.Jessica hands her phone to Joe. Joe looks at the picture on the screen.
Joe
Why is your cat in a drawer?Jessica
She thinks she’s a sock!Joe resumes his frantic search. There’s a crash around the corner…flashlights are pouring over the room. The man with the gun is nearing.
Joe
Fuck!Jessica
Joey! I don’t like that word!Joe
Shh!! He’s going to hear you!Jessica
You should be the one who’s worried about who hears you, talking like a sailor…how many times have I said that you need to…The man with the gun turns the corner and shines his light on Joe and Jessica.
Joe
Crap.Jessica
Joey!The man pistol whips Jessica and shoots Joe in the face. No survivors.
