Welcome to my ongoing review of controversial new genetic startup, My Little Me. In case you missed it, check out Day One, Day Two and Day Three of my adventure.
Day 4: Armageddon
I wake up, even more dazedier and confusedier than the day before. The last thing I remember is turning around in the fear that Little Joe would be there. Given that I was knocked out and somebody changed my clothes, I have it on good authority that that’s exactly what happened…
This is a disaster. My place is trashed, my clothes are torn, there is blood everywhere…
I step out my front door and it’s a wasteland. Chaos is in charge now. Life as we know it is coming to a screeching halt…
I can’t help but feel partially responsible. I have to do something. Little Joe can’t be indestructible. There must be a way to stop him!
I go back inside to look for anything I may have missed. Oddly enough, there’s another small envelope near the box he came in! How do I keep missing these?
I pop open the letter and there are a couple suggestions on what to do if all else has failed, and the end is near.
Option one is terminating Little Joe. They suggest using a garbage disposal. Honestly, despite all he’s done, I don’t think I could do that to him. He’s really not ALL bad. He’s just confused.
I hear what sounds like gentle sobbing coming from the living room, and to my surprise, it’s Little Joe…
“Little Joe, what happened?” I ask. “I got stuck!” exclaims Little Joe. “I was sad and drunk, and I thought, ‘Hey, I should get in this hurricane glass’, but now, the sides are super slippery and I can’t get out!”
“It’s ok,” I reassure Little Joe, “I’ll help you out of your tiny glass prison.”
“You’re not so bad, are you Little Joe?” I said. “You’re just like me. Only little.”
“And with no genitalia,” responds Little Joe.
I tell Little Joe it’s ok. “Ya know what, little buddy? I think we’re gonna be just fine if we…wait a second—what, the hell!?”
“Where did you get that gun, Little Joe? You’re not gonna kill me, are you?”
Little Joe giggles and shouts, “Of course I’m gonna kill you!”
While the tiny bullets ripped through my flesh, I realize Little Joe was merciful and just, avoiding any major organs but effectively sending a little message. As I lay on the ground, life flowing out of me, Little Joe scampers to the door…
Sure, I could give the people at My Little Me a bad review, but honestly, they have quite a product on their hands. If they ever work out all the kinks, man oh man, watch out! And, yeah, did Little Joe shoot me? Sure, but I truly believe in my heart of hearts that he has a fundamentally good soul, and…
Little Joe, c’mon, I know you wouldn’t do this to me. We’re pals! I love you Little Joe! Let’s work this out! If we just…
BANG!
Thanks to Jeremy Slome and Jeff Greco for help with the photography!
