Added: Mathieu Peng - Date: 28.03.2022 12:00 - Views: 13202 - Clicks: 8719
Karen R. There are two main reasons that good girls go for bad boys. The first can be seen through a lens of evolution. In terms of our evolutionary purpose, to procreate and ensure the survival of the human race, it makes some sense. of parents who were both do-gooders and always nice to others?
Remember, evolution is all about beating the odds. In this case, the latter child would be more likely to survive whatever threats came their way. It would seem natural. Moreover, suppose you modeled yourself after Mom and were nice like she was, and Dad treated you as poorly he did her. In that case, that might seem like what relationships are all about. Traumatic relationships, from childhood to adulthood, are often tumultuous, unpredictable, and dramatic. We are deed to adapt and respond to dangerous situations in order to increase our chances of survival in this life.
The human nervous system perceives traumatic events as dangerous and sometimes life-threatening, even if the impacts are purely emotional. Good girls who grew up with an emotionally neglectful mother or were once married to a narcissistic abusive partner are likely to get into another traumatic relationship because their nervous systems adapted to having a lot of drama in their lives. Good girls like bad boys because the drama they create is familiar and comforting on a primal level and may even fill an unresolved void left open from the past.
Fortunately, good girls can heal their old trauma to get comfortable and even excited in much healthier romantic relationships. It may feel difficult for good girls to break away from pleasing others and seeking unhealthy relationships, but it is possible to change. Although traditional talk therapy is a popular approach to heal trauma, healing often needs to go beyond talking to break old patterns. While it can be helpful to hear a motivational speech to step into your power or repeat affirmations that you are worthy of healthy love— that information is only being received by a part of the brain that shuts down in many of the interactions in unhealthy relationships.
A recent Forbes article also cited neuroscientific research that dance-based movements are one of the most effective ways to change behavior. A fun and effective way for good girls to break the habit of dramatic relationships is through dance and movement. Dance-based movements that are strong and forceful may help good girls feel their strength and step into their power.
Self-embracing movements can offer a physical experience of loving themselves so that they can break the habit of seeking approval and validation from others. Plus, new movement-based actions create new neural pathways in the brain and rewires the nervous system from craving drama to enjoying calm and healthy relationships. If you identify with being a good girl who cannot stop attracting bad boys, you may be repeating a trauma pattern that is difficult to break. Do you need to assert your needs instead of keeping the peace? Would you like to feel more comfortable expressing yourself unapologetically?
For starters, you can try putting on your favorite song, and dance like everyone is watching. In diagnosing over patients with psychophysiological stress-related pain or other symptoms, I conducted detailed interviews of many women who fell into one bad relationship after another.
What these women had in common was growing up in problematic homes where their focus became solving or, at least, minimizing those problems. So it was only natural for them to find themselves in relationships consistent with what they had known as children: with men or women who had issues or problems that needed a lot of help or support. Self-esteem in these women was limited by their early experience. They never felt deserving of relationships in which there was a balanced give and take of support depending on the needs of the moment.
Related: Why is Self Esteem Important? Therapeutically, I tried to help them see the heroic perseverance needed to endure their early experiences. Eventually, most reached a point where they could accept a mutually supportive relationship with someone who truly cared for them. You could stick such a woman in a room with five guys and have four of them drop to their knees, extending their hearts towards her.
While the fifth guy sits in a corner sipping on a cocktail, acting as if she does not exist. She sees him as being a mystery or challenge, and she feels a need to prove to herself that she can get his attention and win him over.
Love, which is given freely and easily, tends to have less value for women going through a bad boy phase. Is that a coincidence? These types of guys are often feared, admired, or respected by their peers. Having a guy who treats everyone like crap with the exception of his girlfriend feels great until the day arrives that she is the reason why he is upset. Some women actually view toxic relationships filled with drama, jealousy, obsession, and power struggles to be passionately romantic. They are bored with guys who are too nice, awkward, predictable or place them on a pedestal.
It may even creep some women out or make them feel uncomfortable. Generally speaking, it is not until a woman gets fed up with the failed relationships, heartaches, and betrayals that she considers dating guys who are not her type. It is a conscious and practical decision on her part to attempt to seek out healthy and stable relationships. Good Enough. Women may be blowing their chance at having the marriage, family, and house with the picket fence by overlooking the average Joe who wants to give all of that to them.
He may not be over six feet tall, gorgeous, with a head full of hair, and rich… but he treats you with respect , loves you unconditionally , and is faithfully committed. It has been said that men fall in love with their eyes, and women fall in love with their ears. However, with age and life experience comes wisdom. Men learn all that glitters is not gold, and women learn actions speak louder than words. Moreover, women often go for guys with high status and able to convey stability. Community Manager, MyPerfect. Good girls are often considered boring, average, and always the safe choice.
Think of Sandy in the movie Grease. As young adults, we are not looking for stability or anything too serious but rather want to take risks and break the rules every once in a while. This is why most girls, and particularly good girls, are attracted to the cool guys or bad boys, as they represent thrill and danger.
Bad boys, in contrast to a good girl, are exciting. They are attractive because they represent everything we are told is bad but feels good. They dare to do things no one else would, making them admirable and desirable. A bad boy will make you break the rules you would have never broken without them; they push you to be more adventurous, take you out of your comfort zone, and bring a constant thrill into your life.
Dating a bad boy and the excitement they bring can be very addictive but, at the same time, dangerous. Related: How to Break Codependency Habits. And when dating a bad boy, such traits are not always positive. Going back to our example from Grease, towards the end of the movie Sandy had completely changed her appearance to fit into what Danny wanted her to be. Though it is valuable to expand our minds and widen our perspective in life, it is also very important to always stay true to ourselves.
If you can no longer recognize yourself and you see that your actions are negatively affecting your friends and family, then it might be time to leave your bad boy behind and work on accepting and loving yourself , just the way you are. Related: 12 Best Self Love Books. Dating Expert, Datingscout. Good girls are strong girls, but a bad boy complements their nature, and the differences in personality make the relationship much more exciting than when dating someone who is similar to them.
A male protective figure completes the picture for them. Good girls are the kind, caring ones in the relationship, while a bad boy is someone who makes them feel secured. However, good girls are afraid to show these secrets if their partners are good boys. So they opt to look for bad boys who will be the ones to initiate the things that they want to do but cannot say out loud, especially in the bedroom.
Good girls feel like they can have an adventure if they date a bad boy—which is true in some ways. Good girls are more inclined towards planning their days and having long-term goals, so they are attracted to guys who can give their lives more exciting. The bad boy attitude is far from the serious type, and he always wants to have fun.
Good girls appreciate this trait, so their hearts feel full whenever they see someone who is brave enough to take risks and live their lives to the fullest. This is why most bad boys leave an impression on good girls—because they are unique beings who make them laugh and have fun all the time. The Editors. David D. Chris Pleines Dating Expert, Datingscout. How useful was this post? Click on a star to rate it! As you found this post useful Share it on social media!
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Why Do Good Girls Fall for Bad Boys?